Thursday, May 9, 2013
Without a vehicle the wheel keeps spinning
Good morning world.
For the first time in my life I am finding myself without a car and this makes me totally dependent upon the kindness of others to take me places. I really don't like this helpless feeling at all. It's not like me.
Sometimes needing to go to the store and depending upon the kindness of other people and their time schedule can be exhausting. Often times appointments are made, friends forget that they have already reserved the time space for me and double book themselves; only to find the doctor ill humored and charging my insurance for the missed/canceled appointment anyway. I gladly pay for their gas and food when they take me some where but I live 20 miles from everything so it is a very big inconvenience for anyone to come this far out. I am accustomed to just jumping into the car and going when I like but I don't have that option anymore. It can be quite frustrating when trying to make appointments for mom and I. She has to go to her appointments on time.
I live 45 minutes from the nearest Buddhist gatherings and 20 miles from the nearest real town. I haven't had a decent internet connection in the whole winter and have been online maybe 20 minutes tops in all of that time because of server outages and rainy day or cloudy/ bad connections. So I can't connect with others that are Buddhists in the way that I wanted to like through Skype teachings Etc....
I am making scrap books of our time here and other hobbies in order to keep myself busy when not tending to the greenhouses and pet projects outside.
Heck...The only two stores in my town are a very high priced gas station and a dollar general store. Neither place sell organic foods so when there I am forced to buy only $4 per can soups, breads, and the basic stuff.
I feel isolated and trapped being so far away from town. I don't mean to turn this into a poor me story. Forgive me if I have.
A friend jokingly said all of my tension and frustration stems from needing to get laid. Ha! If that were the case that would solve everything right? *(laugh)* but actually I have been celibate for over two years now and I can assure you that is not the problem. Buddhist guilt is much more severe than Jewish guilt or Catholic guilt. They are lucky to only have one type of hell while we have 80,000 different types of Hell.
I became a Buddhist because the town I grew up in was known for three things. Pregnancy, Senior citizens, and Friday night parties. I left all of that business behind in 1995. I wanted more than that. I wanted to help people. I wanted my life on this earth to have meaning. In all of my time here in Tennessee I have found 2 people in which were Buddhist. Both were shining examples of how I would like to live my life.
My daughter was doing very well in her studies then she made contact with a friend down the road that convinced her into going to Sunday School with the other local children.
I cannot begin to tell you the amount of cumbersome restraint we have had to have on this issue but it boiled down to her coming home, turning her back on Buddhism because the church said it is a sin and that we will burn in hell. I have been patient and more than sympathetic where they are concerned but one girl started taking her offering money saying that if she wanted to sit by her and be her friend then she had to pay her.
That got me to visit the church and tell the girl and my daughter directly NO NO NOT EVER AGAIN!
So in retaliation the girl brings all of her little cousins trying to turn them against my daughter. This almost works but my daughter becomes good friends with the girl and this makes the girl lash out even more.
So she starts picking on my daughter in public like laughing at her when she tries to say words and says them differently. So I tell her at some point this has got to stop. So she tells the teacher and it still keeps going.
The girl has become a bully. So thankfully my daughter has found other things and other friends to be with instead of going to Sunday School just to be picked on and be the laughing stock of both the bus and the class. It was a very uncomfortable situation that reminded me of being bullied in school when I was young.
We become Buddhists because we don't want to be the same people that we once were. We don't want the ignorance of our youth to follow us into our elderly years.
We want to teach others the right way to live their lives and find happiness even though it can be fleeting.
Right now my daughter is trying to find her way back into society after years of being bullied at that place.
I am here for her.
Love and gratitude.
Om ya drol ma.