Sunday, November 20, 2011

Crouching Tiger Hidden Goddess

Clouds come floating into my life,
No longer to carry rain or usher storm,
But to add color to my sunset sky. 
~Rabindranath Tagor

Dear Soul.
When I think about taking my vows of refuge I think about service. I think about helping others. I took my vows in 2006. *sweet*

Still testing my crazy mad Buddha skills through the study of koans, fasting, and meditating.

I think of letting go of my own personal desires and society based misconceptions about what life really is.
Letting go of physical perfection, limitations, fears,  habits of resistance and identification. Who I am. Who I am not. Self -vs- non self identity. I have a longing to share my thoughts with others. To share my Zen.
In the deepest essence of my soul there is only peace. I am new to this kind of serenity.

When I came to the Buddha mind I was struggling to find myself after years with a verbally abusive man.
 The problem was- as a feminist....  I didn't make a very good victim. I often fought back.

At that time I liked to pray and meditate and attend spiritual gatherings and by the grace of all that is sacred
I made it through.  I was now battling with love. My idea of it and my physical reality of it (which were two very different things.) and I found out that even as an adult I was still trying to fit in and find acceptance from people that weren't really even worthy of my time in the same ways that I did in Jr. High. For every thing that I liked and enjoyed to do there was someone telling me why I shouldn't or couldn't do it. I had a lot of healing to do. I was like relationship compost. I had to start all over through the recycling phase before I could ever make it back into the planting phase so my seeds would be ripe when they were sprinkled into the soil.

I let go of outdated concepts and beliefs. I began studying Buddhism and Tantra. I found that by studying the divine- I am the divine feminine.

I have been in sorrow’s kitchen and licked all the pots. Then I have stood on the peaky mountain wrapped in rainbows, with a harp and sword in my hand.
~Zora Neale Hurston

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